I have, by and large, a preference to be on top. The idea of having some hunk of meat shoved into my ass does not at all turn me on, and the feeling doesn’t either. Being on bottom is uncomfortable for me, I usually have a hard time getting hard, and struggle to get into it. So, generally, I never bottom. But if I’m in a relationship with a guy, then I think it’s incredibly selfish to make him always bend over for me and never return the favor. If he wants to be fucked, then have at it, but if he wants a little role reversal, I struggle to find the nerve to say no. The only guys that I’ve bottomed for have been guys that I’ve developed trust with and that I know would bottom for me. I think this makes my experience immensely better, as I don’t just have some guy hammering away at my ass but instead is invested in my well being - physically, emotionally, and mentally.

A lot of times, guys will say that they’re “total tops” or “power bottoms,” and allow absolutely no room to negotiate. I have to say, this is bullshit. Yeah, there are probably couples who have established roles and are fine with it, and more power to them. But to announce right away that you’re “100% on top” completely throws away the needs of the other person and is a complete prick move.

I will admit, part of the reason that I enjoy being on top is being it gives me a sense of authority and power. Early on, I would have identified myself as a “total top.” But after a little thinking, I realized that this was egocentric and stupid. A friend pointed out that, if he approaches the situation right, a bottom is able to hold more authority than a top. A bottom is able to start and stop the session and dictate the rhythm. This eventually led me to change my perspective a little bit, and finally I concluded that the skilled gay man is both a top and a bottom. Again, we all have our preferences, but to truly know what you’re doing, you should be both. After all, being a bottom will give you better perspective on how to be a top, and being a top will give you better perspective on how to be a bottom.

One of my favorite gay websites, Masculine Gay Guys (NSFW, but completely worth it), has an article called “Real Men Take Turns Fucking Each Other.” And I couldn’t agree more. The article says:

The taboo against taking it up the ass comes from the Romans. To them, a real man penetrated males and females, but he was never penetrated himself. What a fucking lame tradition! Avoiding versatility is sexually ignorant and repressive. It’s time to open up and enjoy male sexuality to its fullest extent.

I couldn’t agree more.